The Language of Giving

In Gary Chapman’s book, “The Five Love Languages”, he outlines the way that people whether friends, spouses or children express love and appreciate love. It outlines that like when people speak different languages such as Afrikaans, English, French, German, Zulu etc, we could all be saying the same thing, but no one would be able to understand us because we speak a different language.

In love there are five major love languages;
1. Words of affirmation
2. Quality time
3. Receiving gifts
4. Acts of service
5. Physical touch

Gift giving is a fundamental expression of love and appreciation that transcends cultural barriers. A gift is something that you can hold in your hand and say “the person that gave me this was thinking of me”. This is where the concept of the “It’s the thought that counts” comes from. There was an underlying emotion or thought that prompted the person to give you this gift. Sometimes my daughter will pick a flower from the garden and bring it to me. I am always thrilled because I know that at the time she saw the flower her heart sang out “mommy”.

Gifts are visual symbols of love. Corporate gifts and year end gifts are a symbol of appreciation. Sometimes visual symbols of love are more important to some than to others. For example when I have met quote a few men whom although were married did not wear a wedding ring. This greatly saddens me. Usually they say it is because they do not like to wear jewelry. Yet a wedding ring is not just a piece of jewelry it is a symbol of commitment and by choosing not to wear it, they are choosing not to openly display their commitment to their spouse.

If your friend or spouse or child has gifts as their primary language and it is not yours, then you can bet that they will be feeling a void in their view of how much you love them. Gifts do not have to be expensive, but do require that you may have to change your attitude towards money. Some of us feel good about spending money. Others prefer to save and invest. If you are a spender then spending money of a beautiful gift will not affect you much. But if you are a saver you will experience some emotional resistance to the idea of spending money as an expression of love. If you do not purchase things for yourself, then why should you spend on others? But that attitude fails to recognize that you are purchasing things for yourself. By saving and investing money you are purchasing self worth and emotional security. You are caring for your own emotional needs in the way that you handle money. What you are not doing is meeting the emotional needs of your friend or spouse or child. This is not to say that you must not save. Keep saving, but know that buying a gift every now and then for someone that you care about is the best investment that you can make in the relationship.

Start by making a list of all the things that your friend, spouse or child has expressed excitement about receiving through the years. They may be gifts that you have given or gifts given by another family member. This list will give you an idea of what would enjoy receiving.

If you have difficulty about selecting the gifts, then get a family member, friend or colleague who knows them well to assist in compiling a list.

Don’t wait for a special occasion, if receiving gifts is that person’s primary love language, almost anything will be seen as an expression of love. If that person has been critical in the past about gifts that they have received in the past then it is almost certainly not their primary love language.

To find out more about the concept of love language, read any one of the Five Love Languages books by Gary Chapman.

Kids Parties - Whose Party is it Anyway

I am busy gearing up for my daughter’s birthday party this Saturday.
Having a child make you look at giving from a whole new light. What I have noticed is that in some cases parents can get caught up in the comparative party syndrome where what the last parent catered for, did or did not do seems to take preference over where her the child enjoyed themselves of not.
I suppose it is because we are trapped in the corporate world and there is no greater bush telegraph that school moms. You get to find out all the juicy gossip at a school. Hence we can get trapped by what will get said about us.
The best birthday party that I went to was where the mom respectfully put out platters for hungry moms and dads, but busied herself with the real spirit of giving at a party and that is making sure the little ones leave having the greatest time.
This year I decided to have a private party for a few select friends of my daughter. She was allowed to invite ten friends. The rule was: “only invite children that you play with and who are nice to you”.
We are off to have a fun filled morning of tenpin bowling and as we are in a public place I have ordered bright t-shirts with her party logo on them so that we can see our group a mile off. It is a great way to ensure the safety of your little ones.
The day is not about catching up on school gossip, but rather to make sure that each child has a great time, lots of laughs and lots of stories to tell at show and tell about their great new hobby.
Whenever you plan a party of a gift, remember who is the most important on the day and what your objective is. Then plan your giving around that.

The Art of Generosity

On Christmas day our pastor gave a sermon about the meaning of gifts, what the type of gifts say about the giver and what they says about what the giver thinks of the recipient.

It gave me some serious food for thought. It made me look at the type of gifts that I give, why I give them and to whom I give them. It also made me look at how I receive gifts. If anyone has ever read the Five Love Languages, you will know that gifts are one of the love languages. While some people merely like receiving gifts a person who has gifts as a love language loves receiving and equally love giving them. I am one of those people. The value of the gift is inconsequential, but the thought and process is crucial to me.

I have a few rules by which I judge a received gift:

1. Did the person put any planning into it? For an acquaintance this is not important, but if it is a special friend or a spouse or family member, I want to know that they did not run out on Christmas Eve in a panic to find the gifts.
2. Did the person think and about my wants and needs. People, who know me well, know that even though I love chocolate it does terrible things to my health, so buying me chocolate ultimately makes me suffer. I am also prone to take care of others instead of myself, so while buying a facial product for someone else may go unappreciated, I probably bought something for my daughter instead of getting my cleanser or toner, so that would be a very welcome gift.
3. I also love spontaneous presents, so just getting me flowers or trinket for no real reason is a real delight.
4. I know a couple within our extended family that do not put much priority into gifts, but if they know that I am buying then they will but something. A gift given out of guilt or pressure never goes down well for me.
5. For my parents I courier gifts down to them because if I like receiving gifts, I feel that I need to show them equal respect.
There was a time in my life, where gifts were an extreme luxury, so I empathise when others are not able to spend. But a spirit of generosity does not have to be expensive.

1. Picking flowers and making and arrangement for someone you are care about.
2. Making dinner for your mom or dad in their own home or giving your spouse the night off.
3. Running a bubble bath with candles and music for a loved one.
4. Giving a voucher for one foot massage every week for a month.
The gifts spend on the person’s needs and personality, but you can still be creative based on their personality.

My daughter often runs around and gift wraps my nail varnish or lip liner and gives these to me. I love these spontaneous gesture because it shows me that she has a naturally generosity in her and that is a special gift from the Lord for her.

Go on, spread the love.

Forgiveness as an act of Generosity

Forgiveness is an act of generosity. There are times that I am on top of my game and everything runs smoothly and there are other times that it feels like everything is going wrong and that life is a constant battle. In time of stress most people are at risk of making mistakes, being selfish, a little rude and are prone to making mistakes that they would not under normal circumstances.

Forgiveness is such an act of generosity. Some say that if you forgive you set a prisoner free. After time you find that as the forgiver that person set free is you. You will find forgiveness is a gift to both yourself and the person that you need to forgive.

This Christmas season think about forgiving at least one person. You will be blessed for it.If you are looking for gifts to say, I am sorry, have a look at our hamper range

Today my husband gave me the gift of time. I have a number of pending deadlines. One of them is to prepare the marketing material for Belle Regalo and update all the links for Belle Regalo corporate gifting website. Colin made supper and played with my daughter thus allowing me about 2 hours of uninterrupted afterhour’s time to complete some of the work.
The spirit of giving is not just about giving gifts, it is about giving of your time as well. Be blessed in all that you do.